I can't decide whether I should like Dexter or not. It feels like a guilty pleasure. But he's funny and charming, and I try to overlook the fact that he's a serial killer .... Check him out on CBS Sunday Night at 10:00 PM. It helps that he only kills bad guys, and he's just so incredibly likable even though he doesn't really have a heart. I can't wait to see where this show goes ... it's definitely different.

Recycled Sanity
by Margaret Marr

Kick mosaic demons
out of my head
siphon noxious sulfur
with its malignant oder
and clear metaphorical air
from my breathing space.

Grip my hand
and drag me from
this unfamiliar territory
lost in the fog
of fuzzy memories
born in a cloud of darkness

Shower my racing thoughts
with Heaven's blessed rain
cleanse evil scenes
replaying like a demented movie
and bring down a deluge
of recycled sanity.

Recently my computer kicked the proverbial bucket and is now residing in closet heaven never to see the light of day again. Thank goodness I still have Internet access at work. Since it's impossible for me to afford a new computer at this point in my life, I've taken up watching television instead.

I keep catching snips and pieces of a tv show from the 90's called Twin Peaks. I can't decide if it's a comedy, murder mystery, or just plain supernatural. Maybe it's all of the above. I've just about convinced myself to buy the first seaon on DVD just to see what it's all about. I have a feeling I'm going to like it, but then again, who knows.

While surfing an endless sky of tv channels, I came across CHILLER. It has loads of supernatural series and movies, and I'm sort of bummed because I want to write a series of novels involving a ghost hunter, demon hunter, or supernatural hunter. I now see the market is flooded with this stuff, and now I have to come up with a fresh angle, or abandon the idea all together. I guess the dude in Ecclesiastes was right:  "The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun." (1:9 King James).

In any case, below are my favorite among the demon/ghost/supernatural hunters. Not all of them are on CHILLER:

The X-Files - Mulder and Scully investigate the strange and unusual.
Supernatural - Two brothers on a quest to rid the world of things that don't belong here.
Ghost Whisperer - Melinda Gordan helps earth-bound ghosts to cross over.
Moonlight - A vampire plays detective and protects humans
Ghost Hunters - Jason and Grant and team  investigate haunted places.
Night Stalker - A reporter hunts demons
The Dresden Files - A wizard solves murder mysteries involving the paranormal

Shows like these tend to get very bad reviews, and I can't help but wonder if the bad reviews are coming from people who have no interest in the paranormal. In that case, why do they bother to watch and then tell everyone how much they hate it? hmmmm ....

...but it's the best place to find yourself.

If you get a chance, watch “Elizabethtown”. Cameron Crowe took death and turned it into life. I’ve never seen it done quite this well. In the midst of death there is life. Remember that. Also, when things fall apart, remember if it wasn’t this, it would be something else. Remember that Martin Luther King’s death was only the beginning of his victory. Take a moment in life and dance wildly in a circle, one hand waving in the air. Live life, breathe it in. Love it.

 

Drew Baylor (Orlando Bloom) lost his job due to a fiasco involving a shoe, which causes the company to lose close to 1 billion dollars. On the same day, his father dies. Drew puts aside his plans of suicide to be the strong one in the family and take care of the funeral plans.

 

On his way to Elizabethtown, Kentucky to bring his father’s body back to Oregon, he meets an upbeat gal named Claire (Kirsten Dunst). Her positive attitude teaches Drew how to live and love even when he doesn’t feel like it.

 

“Elizabethtown” will make you laugh, make you cry, but most of all make you want to live. I hope to someday go on a road trip between where I live in NC to the coast of California and back again. And I want to stop and visit history. Watch the movie and you’ll know what I mean

Last night in the wee hours of the morning my phone rings. After groping around on the wrong side of the bed looking for the phone—I’m still half asleep—I switch to the other side of the bed and grab the receiver. Some garbled form of hello falls out of my mouth, and then I hear, “Would you like to subscribe to our weekly magazine?”

I say, “It’s 3:30 in the freaking morning. NO!” Then I hang up and return to sleep while making a mental note to star 69 when I next awake, which would hopefully be when sunshine falls across my floor. How bizarre is that? I did remember to star 69, but the number wasn’t known. Prank caller? Probably. I had hoped it would be my boyfriend, because he sometimes calls at that hour—it’s the whole military thing—he has to call when he can.  I haven’t heard from him in two weeks, so you can imagine my disappointment.

The call was so strange, I’ve been wondering if I dreamed it. I mean what kind of prank caller asks you if you want to subscribe to a magazine? Then again it could have been a caller from another country who didn’t think about the hour differences. Not likely though—emailing would be cheaper. Then I thought maybe it could have been a company from the west coast, but there again it would have still been after midnight, and what company solicits magazine subscriptions after twelve in the morning?

I’m afraid it’ll remain one of those unsolvable mysteries … or maybe solicitors found a loophole in the Do Not Call Registry—like nothing was said about calling or not calling between midnight and 6 a.m.—revenge of the telemarketers! That’s just plain silly.

I’ve got it! I bet it was some poor guy who has worked for Time Magazine for over 10 years and has called prospective subscribers so many times he does it in his sleep, literally. Okay, maybe that’s just plain silly too.

Well, I'm taking my silly self off to bed and hopefully I won't be awakened by a mysterious nocturnal phone caller with nothing better to do than selling magazine subscriptions.

I’m so depressed I just finished off a whole tub of Rich & Creamy Chocolate frosting, while listening to a steady pouring rain  Why am I depressed, you might ask? What’s that? Oh, you don’t care?  Hmm, well, I’m gonna tell you why anyway  It’s mostly just life in general, but it doesn’t help when my boyfriend neglects to call me in close to two weeks.  I even bought him a phone card so he could call me more often, and I could help pay for the long distance calls (we’ve been in a forced long-distance relationship for the past 4 years). Didn’t help. He seems to have lost all interest in me …  maybe I need to wake up and smell the dead roses.  Perhaps he’s trying to get me to break up with him so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy. I just wish he loved me enough to want to spend some time with me. Wishful thinking, huh? Does any guy love a woman that much?

“Here’s to the liars and the cheaters and the cold mistreaters …” Sometimes a country song just fits the mood …  

I’m writing in this journal in an effort not to call him and leave a hateful message in his voice mail. Those never help anyway, even when I stay calm and try to let him know how much he’s hurting me by his actions. Nothing ever changes. Probably never will. So maybe it’s time to say farewell to yet another unfeeling guy. Good decision? Yes? No? Maybe?

Anyway, I started thinking about Mrs. Giggles last night—you know the lady who writes those mean and hurtful book reviews? I had sent her an email a few years back and asked her what had crawled up in her p**** and died. Low and Behold, she published it for the entire world to see. Not one of the high points in my life, but it was before I’d learned how to control my reactions to people like that. But I still can’t help wondering if she truly gains pleasure from hurting others. Of course, I doubt anyone takes her very seriously these days, and there are authors who are crazy enough to ask her to review their novels—bad publicity versus no publicity and all that. In the end, Mrs. Giggles is nothing more than a lonely lady surrounded by stacks of books she doesn’t seem to like, and at the end of her life’s journey she’ll only be remembered as the lady who spent her time making others feel bad.

My brother just brought over the complete 1^st and 2^nd seasons of Tru Calling. Ah, nothing like a creepy morgue and cadavers opening their eyes and speaking to lift the spirits. You can tell my brother and I are related just by our DVD movie/TV series collection  Of course I can’t afford TV series collections right now so I borrow from my brother.

 

Since Tru Calling only lasted about two seasons, some of you may not have heard of it. It’s about Tru Davies (Eliza Dushku), who ends up moonlighting in a morgue after her medical internship falls through. The first night on the job a dead woman opens her eyes and asks Tru for help. The day rewinds itself, and Tru has to find the woman and save her before she’s killed. Cool, huh? But like most all truly interesting shows, Fox canceled it in its second season  Does anyone remember the D.B. Sweeney series where he received a newspaper with the next days news in it, and he had to search for whatever he needed to prevent from happening? I can’t remember the name of it, but it got canceled almost before it got started. It really irks me when that happens.

 

I don’t have anything planned for this Labor Day weekend except to stay home out of the traffic madness and watch DVDs. I did drive down to the local gas-n-grocery to pick up a few snacks, and the place was almost as busy as a supermarket, probably because it’s so close to the Nantahala River and Outdoor Center here in western NC. Everyone has descended into the mountains for one last wild ride down the river, or perhaps a tranquil train ride on the Great Smoky Mountain Express. Then they’ll crawl out of the raft freezing cold, with teeth chattering and blue skin, or stumble from the train half deaf from the train whistle which must be blown each time the conductor approaches a railroad crossing. Hint to the wise—do not sit near the engine—sit somewhere in the middle.

 

Summer is grinding to an end, so enjoy and have a safe and happy Labor Day weekend!

If it weren’t for Misha, my dog, and my assortment of cats, I don’t think I’d get out of bed most days. Today I sorta didn’t. Oh, I fed my pets, but then I climbed right back into bed and read a novel—that was about six hours ago. I finished the book, The Lake by Richard Laymon. His stories are filled with irony, and you’re never sure who the bad guys are. I think he may be my new favorite author, though his novels are filled with violence involving weird sex. I know I’ll grow weary of reading such material, like I grew weary of Anita Blake and her assorted non-human lovers—well they had some human in them—just mostly beasts—yet I may come back to them one day.

I’ve been feeling restless. I want a total change. Go where no one knows me. Start over with a whole new life, personality, look—the works. If I were rich, I’d disappear right now—just for a while. I feel trapped where I am. I’m growing desperate for a change. I NEED a change. But I’m stuck because of circumstances—the luck of the draw. Life dealt me a really snotty hand. *sigh* Guess I shouldn’t complain. I could have no life at all. Sometimes I wonder….
 

I have these gigantic fire ants crawling around in my house, and I can’t seem to get rid of them. Sometimes they crawl up on my toes and sting the piss outta me. I HATE that! The little suckers always leave a bubble blister that itches like hell. If I could afford ant spray, I’d obliterate those little demons, spraying them while shrieking like a mad woman, my face twisted in evil delight as they killed over—such dark thoughts on a lovely day.
 

Been hotter than a wood-burning stove today. Guess it’s cooler outside. My tin can of a house holds heat like a baker’s oven. I’ll probably sit outside later in the cool of the evening. I hope the blasted gnats and mosquitoes will leave me alone. 

I keep thinking about this house out on highway 74—a big, rambling gray thing sitting just off the four-lane on a slight hill. I guess you could say I’m sort of obsessed with it. I explored it once way back when I was still married. My then husband was not amused with my adventurous nature. However, I did not break into the place. I merely went in through an unlocked back door. The house was vacant at the time, and I explored to my heart’s content—or at least as much as I could with my husband trying to drag me back outside. I remember the wide, cherry staircase, and the fireplace in every room. Such a cool house, and I felt as if I belonged there. It still calls to me, but as poor as I am now, there’s no chance in crazy land that I’ll be able to buy it, even if it was available for sale.
 

I wish I wasn’t so poor.

People tell you that money doesn’t make you happy. You know what I think? I think that’s got to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Whoever originally said that must not have ever had to live on peanut butter for an entire month. Trust me, the only happy thing that came out of that was the thirty pounds I dropped.
 

I think I’m losing my mind…

 

 

Arg! Every time I post an entry, I end up having to edit it because it doesn't post right when it's saved.

 

I’m listening to a Billie Myers CD and a verse in one of her songs struck me as funny, because in a weird sort of way it makes sense. (shoot! can't get rid of this dang bold at the top! )

 

A married man
once told me,
He could never be
unfaithful
To his mistress

 

Life has taught me that men only love a woman as long as she’s giving him sex. A mistress always puts out, with maybe a few exceptions, but not many, so a man will eventually fall in love with her.  Of course, that might not have been what Billie Myers meant, but it’s what I’ve learned from experience.

 

The same theme shows up in the movie She’s The One. Francis is talking to his father about his mistress Heather, and the father says in a disgusted tone of voice, “Let me get this straight—you don’t want to cheat on your mistress with your wife?” I love this movie because in the end the men find out how stupid they’ve been, and they end up crying in their beers while their women are out living their lives 

 

On a less cynical note, here is one of my favorite poems by Jewel Kilcher. You can pick up a copy of her collection of poems, A Night Without Armor here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0061073628/missscarsbookgif/. At least I hope it’s available at Amazon.com.

 

Miracle

 

Listen!

Do you hear it?
I do.
I can feel it.
I expect a miracle is coming.
It has set loose this restlessness
inside of me.

Expect it.
Dream about it.
Give birth to it in your being.
Know! Something good
is coming down the line.
Finding its way to you
like all things find their way
to god’s children.

Listen!

~Jewel Kilcher~

 

 Have y’all heard that commercial where the guy calls up the pizza place and the pizza guy already knows what the guy wants, because he’s stuck in a rut? Today I’m listening to the same CD and writing in my journal just like I did last week :-0. Holy cow, I’m in a rut! Oops, I take that back … It’s Sunday, not Saturday. Wooo hooo! I’m living it up!

 

Have a wonderful Sunday!

It’s a lonely, boring, mostly cloudy Saturday evening here in NC. I’m listening to the A*Teens in an effort to put some energy in my day. The music does make me want to get up and dance, but I’d probably tear this camper down flopping around in it The A*Teens are a teen group out of Sweden who remade Abba’s hits into dance music back in the late 90’s. Not half bad…they basically sound the same, except a lot more upbeat. I like “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)” & “Take a Chance on Me”.

 

I just got back from the old home place. It’s spooky way back up in there with no one else around. It’s where I grew up, but now it’s just a lonely, broken down old place, isolated from the world and the family who made lots of memories there. The squirrels and crows are having a field day in the corn patch. I dug some potatoes and grabbed a few onions, went in the old house and snagged a few of my old CDs, then got out of there. I stepped through a board on the footbridge crossing the creek, but had enough sense not to drop my potatoes. I dropped my CDs but only lost one of those in the bushes—not one of my favorites, thank goodness. Wasn’t about to go crawling through waist high weeds looking for it!

 

My Dad’s been home from the hospital for a couple of days. He’s feeling better. Mom’s having to learn a whole new way to cook, because of Daddy’s high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes. Good thing Mom and my sister made Dad go to the hospital or things could have gone beyond serious. Once he gets his condition under control, he’ll feel much better. It’s just going to take some time. He just walked through the yard with a cane, so he’s getting out of the house some too, which is good.

 

Well, I’m off to watch a trilogy—“The Matrix”. It’ll be close to midnight before it’s finished, but I don’t have the desire or the energy to do much else  I guess not even the A*Teens is peppy enough for me this day.

It's Friday! I love my job, but I so love not being here too. Today I  had to work the day because everyone else was out of the office, and I tried to get all my running around done during lunch, but, alas, it didn't happen, so now I have to go back out and brave the grocery store on a Friday afternoon. I'll just grab a few snacks to get me through the night and stand in line for two hours waiting to pay for them. I might be home before midnight. Maybe I shouldn't jest or something might actually cause me not to make it home by midnight. Yikes!

My anthology "Voice of a Soldier" is nearing publication! I am sooooooooo excited! I put a lot of time into this project, and I'm hoping it'll pay off for our soldiers. Go take a looksee: http://www.sunpipermedia.com/Books.html

"Moon of Little Winter" has been released. Go here to purchase a copy, please, please, pretty please! http://www.writeronlinebooks.com/book/moonoflittlewinter.htm

And if you like reading reviews, I have a whole bunch of new ones published at Nights and Weekends. http://www.nightsandweekends.com/search/?auth=Margaret+Marr

Okay, enough about my writing. I'm trying to think of something witty and funny to write, but my brain is just not cooperating, or maybe it's because I'm not witty or funny

Until next time, y'all have a wonderful weekend